Tag: drawing boundaries

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Who says we cant fly?

Women are like icebergs. What we see on the surface is just a part of them which appears fragile, delicate and small. But very few notice that beneath the tiny icy portion that floats on surface of water lies a hard core of ice which is capable of breaking off giant ships like Titanic into multitude of pieces, same is the story of women!

It reminds me of a story when a priest asked a child “child can you walk?” to which the child replied, “yes, of course”. The priest popped back with a fresh question, “can you fly child?”  the child reverted back in an irritated voice “no sir its impossible!”. The priest was still not satisfied and sprung back with a new interrogatory statement, “How can you say that you can walk but not fly?” the child with an uneasy look replied, “sir have you seen any human flying in your entire lifetime?“ the priest being obstinate, counteracted “did you ever try flying?” the child’s face was all red with mixed passion of fury and confusion “sir, why would I try to fly when i know its impossible?”, the priest said, “calm down child, i will just take two more minutes of your, answer me, when you were an infant and all you did was crawling, then did you ever think that one day you would be able to walk?” the disgust on the face of the child slowly vanished as if the essence of priest’s words was slowly entering his inattentive ears. The priest then put his hand around the shoulder of the child and said “child you know that you can walk because you have experienced walking and what we experience becomes our truth. But you said no for flying not because you tried and failed but it was told to you by your elders that you cant fly! The answer came not out of your experience but from the set book of stereotypes of what a man could do or not do. It does’nt matter that you fly or not but the sad part is you stopped trying,who knows that one day you could fly?”

The moment a girl or a boy grows up, a book enriched with narrow stereotypes is handed over to them. From cradle to grave. She is told that she cant join army because she is physically weak, she cant be an entrepreneur because she wont be able to raise funds, she cant ride bike because it is simply not made for her, She cant serve her country because men are the emblem of strength. From childhood, she is made to feel like a leverage, she is taught that she cant fight boys and she is incapable of bearing pain. We ignorant beings went to such a degree that we made her learn that she can’t survive abuse or rapes or acid burns and made her feel that her strength won’t function beyond this threshold. As a result of which women stopped experiencing, which is the fundamental process of life and kept on believing what was told to her. Thinking of those stereotypes as the ultimate boundaries of her strength. Same we do with boys, a young lad who wishes to be a great cook is looked down upon and if he dares to cry in front of others, we start questioning his manhood.

Each one of us have heard the stories upto this point where men and women got broken by life by various forces but no one bothers to go beyond it. Everyone looked at the girl who got raped but no one saw the same girl who rose from her ashes like a phoenix. No one bothered to look on the other side of tunnel, where these women bruised by life came out as warriors emerging from darkness. Everyone talked about the woman whose face got burnt with acid but no one bothered to look at her, the same woman who lost her artificial beauty but gained her inner beauty. She identified a beauty which was permanent. Everyone talked about women who had forgotten the art of experiencing life and were going with aid of stigmas that bound them but none noticed those women who time and again experienced life whom chains of stereotypes couldn’t hold tight, who broke all shackles and never limited them even if the world limited them.

Today its time to look at the mind boggling statistics where ordinary men and women like you and me dared to break the stereotypes and dared to experience life. They learnt what they experienced and not learnt what they were taught.

Here are a few women who broke down the shackles of stereotypes and went beyond it.
Mother Teresa – first Indian woman to win the Noble prize
Indira Gandhi – first woman prime minister of India
Pratibha Patil – first woman president of India
Kalpana Chawla – first Indian woman to go to space
Kiran Bedi – first Indian woman IPS officer
Anjali Gupta – first female flying officer in Indian Air force
Justice M Fatima Beevi – first Indian female judge of supreme court
Sania Mirza – first woman to win the women‘s Tennis Association title
Saina Nehwal – number 1 position in world badminton ranking (2015)
Roshini Sharma – first Indian woman to ride a motorbike from Kanyakumari to Kashmir
Shila Dawre – first Indian woman to be an auto rickshaw driver
Mithali Raj – first Indian woman to score a double hundred in test cricket
Sarala Thakral – first Indian woman to fly an aircraft
Mary Kom – first Indian woman boxer to win a gold medal in Olympics
Durga Banerjee – first female pilot and captain of Indian Airlines
Priya Jhingan – first Indian woman to serve Indian Army
Sushmita Sen – first Indian woman to win Miss Universe Pageant
Priyanka Chopra – a successful Bollywood and Hollywood actress, representative of UNICEF
Avani – first woman fighter pilot to fly solo
Nirmala Sitharaman – current Defence minister
Sushma Swaraj – current Minister of External affairs of India
Chanda Kocchar – first Indian woman (CEO Managing Director of ICICI bank) to get Woodrow Wilson Award for Global citizenship

So, If ‘They’ can, Then you too can! Just don’t believe whats being told to you no one gets to decide who you are!!! It is true for both boys and girls to realise that all these shackles, these impossibilities and the big ‘No’s’ exist within the corners of our mind. We all have been endowed with infinite potential. Most of us tag ourselves with description we get from society or the same stereotypical handbook I was earlier talking about! The only way to realise our true potential is to experience. Don’t ever believe in things you haven’t experienced yet. Just do it and then decide for your self. Don’t allow others to sketch a boundary for you. Form your own boundary. Detach yourself from these invisible chains of prejudices and stereotypes and then you will realise that it may happen one day that you may actually fly.

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Cinema says it all!!!! Go woman, go!!!!

You know that you are an Empowered Woman, when you know that fight is inside. When you know that battle is within, Not in the kitchen.!! The word ‘Empowerment‘ is a multidimensional word which has been realized and manifested by various women in their own unique way. The term is so complex that its boundaries are cloudy and is fading into different directions. If you ask me what is ‘Empowerment‘, the definition which I can give you is just a shade and not the actual colour. My way is just a part of it and not whole. Did you ever see a rainbow? It looks multi-coloured, but in fact is formed by splitting of white light. So, the word ‘Empowerment‘ is like white colour which manifests itself in various shades.

Though its not easy to understand each shade with precision but the closest laboratory which can give you a taste of it is the Cinema. As a famous writer puts it ‘Cinema is a matter of what’s in the frame and what’s out’. Cinema is like a mirror in which we find our own reflection. If one ever wishes to understand the position of Women in a specific society, one must watch its Cinema.
With a pocket full of questions regarding Women Empowerment, I went to seek help of Cinema and fortunately I got a handful of answers. The answer which cinema gives you is subtle, it is there but hard to catch. In search of movies which favoured Women Entrepreneurship or promoted Empowerment of Women, I got no specific search result. There were all pieces of puzzle, not whole in them but when combined, they stood out like a complete living picture. That’s exactly what happened with me, answer was in front of me but like a puzzle unsolved.

‘Shruti Kakkar’ of ‘Band baaja baraat’ a middle class girl, who had a vision of becoming a successful wedding planner had side-lined herself from the stereotypical life of women in India. A girl who never created a space for her but discovered it. Lets talk about ‘Shashi’ of ‘English Vinglish’, a woman next door with low education but sky reaching aspirations who expresses her uniqueness by identifying her art of making Ladoos as a new shade of Entrepreneurship. Unknown to the world of English and a source of mockery to her family, she rises as a Phoenix from her ashes by enrolling her name in an English Language course in Manhattan. She becomes an emblem of Feminine strength. On the other hand, we discover the orthodox families of Mehras of ‘Dil Dhadakne Do’ who in spite of knowing the extraordinary capabilities of their daughter ‘Ayesha‘ as an Entrepreneur and thinks her good enough for marriage only. The subtle and delicate way ‘Ayesha’ expresses her desire to part away with her husband and talking about her inability to conceive in front of the entire family is breath taking and a big fracture in the framework of our stereotypical society. Last but not the least, lets talk about Piku who finds a perfect balance between ambitions and marriage. Being encouraged by her father to run blindly after her ambitions, she makes a stand and expresses that as a woman she needs to cater her emotional needs as well. Being an overly ambitious and independent woman, she never forgets to day dream and share a blush with the opposite sex. Also we have ‘Ki and Ka‘, where Kareena and Arjun switched the stereotypical roles of husband and wife with such flexibility. ‘Rani’ of ‘Queen’, a girl who never dared to put her footsteps beyond a set geographical boundary takes a bold turn and off she goes to London to enjoy her honeymoon all by herself. Imagine a typical submissive and ignorant young woman who enters an arena of unknown with such confidence! Not to forget when 3 bold young and independent women of ‘Pink’ are successful in establishing new standards when it comes to living independently and falling hard on the prejudices which dare to limit their freedom!.
These Women define Women Empowerment in their own unique way. Their ways are as unique as them and when their half cut pieces of life are blended together, they bloom and shine and only one voice comes up,
“We don’t shout to gather the crowd
To shout makes us slaves of masculine
To slay hearts with a smile
Makes us an Empowered Feminine!”

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Climbing the Corporate Ladder as a woman

Most Indian women have an ‘Extremist’ approach to life. They wish to be either this way or that, but the matter of fact is that life always happens between the two extremes.The present scenario of Indian women is that, a good number of them are submissive and conditioned as per the expectations of society, They are rigidly attached to the duties which society assigns them and to step out of that conditioned life is not taken well by most of them because it has its set of consequences like the guilt which overpowers them. Psychology believes that if an action or behavior is rewarded or received as positive reinforcement, then the repetition of that particular behavior is more likely to happen and vice versa. Similarly, when women show a certain behavior which is different from the behavior expected from them, their ego produces guilt. They become victims of social criticism even if they are totally able to manage things well. Because of this negative reinforcement, they stop showing this behavior and high ambitions terrify them. On the other hand, women who are high in need of achievement are too aggressive . They are too attacked by pangs of guilt which makes them all the more aggressive and in the process they loose their originality. In both the cases, women are being affected by society, either they are working for or against society. In both ways, they are trying to prove a statement. But in order to lead a successful life, it is important that we remain unaffected by what society thinks of us but concentrate on what our inner self thinks of us. We must not allow our own intelligence to go against us. Guilt is nothing but our own faculties going against us. Instead use your intelligence to strike a balance between the two extreme approaches. Instead of searching an answer outside, its time to go inside.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/climbing-corporate-ladder-woman-tough-yes-impossible-renuka-ramnath

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Pinky The Mouse

GAME CHANGER SERIES

Once there lived a little mouse whose name was Pinky. She was a beautiful brown mouse. She was nine years old and was turning ten. One day, her father sadly said, “Pinky, my dear, I love you but I am so sorry. People now don’t throw away food so we won’t be able to celebrate your birthday”. Pinky was heartbroken but she was quiet and didn’t want to ask for anything unreasonable.

She lived with her father who was the head of the mouse clan and her friends and family. Pinky was very clean and hard working.

She was also kind to the others although sometimes they used to tease her. She used to go to lots of human cottages nearby to bring food for her family and friends. One day she went to a cottage for the first time. There she discovered the front door was locked so she tried to go through the gap , but there was a net, so she couldn’t get in. She was really puzzled so she went around the house three or four times. Then she found a key to the house so she opened it and went in and walked a bit and she saw a huge table.

She climbed up the table and there she saw a letter and was puzzled about who it was for, but then she noticed it was written to “whoever passes by”. So Pinky opened the letter and in the letter it said, “We had a wonderful party just the day before and there were a lot of leftovers, but I became very sick, so my husband and I have gone to the seaside, so I have left the key out for the people who collect trash”.

Pinky was surprised but she was a curious mouse. To her great SURPRISE she saw tasty cupcakes , cupcakes and lollipops and so many more goodies. Pinky was delighted when she saw this, because she could then celebrate her birthday party. She danced until her legs ached a lot but she was too happy to think of it.

She scurried back to her cozy mouse hole and stood up on a stone and said , “ May I have your attention please? I would like to tell everybody that I can celebrate my birthday party. And I would like everyone to come”.

Then they all went to the cottage to get some food. They said sorry to Pinky for teasing her all the time, because she was kind she said it was all right. Then they all feasted and said ‘PINKY’ was the HERO of the day and the birthday girl. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PINKY.

Here’s a little about our shining star Joanna Mathews

Joanna just turned 10 years old. She is home schooled and loves reading and writing. She spends most of her day reading and playing with her sisters! She particularly loves adventure stories. Her favorites collections are the Secret Seven and Famous Five. Her favorite hang out is the library.

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Blinded By…

She felt strange when she resigned from her dream job. She knew that something did not fit in. The stories Ms.A shared ‘seemed’ far from truth – her colleagues would not say such things about her. A few of her colleagues did tell her that her ‘fears’ were baseless. No one in their ‘right’ sense would say such horrid things. However, she chose to believe Ms. A – a ‘close friend’.

Blind are those who have eyes that cannot see. Her favorite lines from ‘Eyes Have It’ by Ruskin Bond. She never knew this one statement will sum up her life in years to come.

As years rolled by, Ms. A started taking a lot of liberty with her – mocked at her, took her for granted, kept telling her so was no good, let her down on various occasions. But she did not say anything. Ms. A had stood by her on two occasions a few years back. She also had a soft corner for Ms A. She bought the stories of Ms A –  bad childhood, harassment at home and work, emotional and physical abuse, struggles and fights to be a prove herself as a ‘woman with beauty n brains’. She understood the emotional journey of Ms. A and could empathize with her. Hence, even when she did not agree with Ms A, she did not voice her dissatisfaction.

She had shared her story with Ms A who in  turn shared it with others – of course, with a twist in the tale. She did not draw healthy boundaries in the relationship and nor did Ms A believe in having them.

One day, a  close common friend shared Ms. A’s role in her resignation. He also shared what actually happened and how it was manipulated by Ms A. She fought with  the close friend. She accused him of being envious of successful women and that he was feeling insecure of  Ms  A popularity and fast growth in the organisation. After a few tries, he stopped telling her the ‘reality’ of Ms. A. He moved on. He did not want to waste his energies on someone who did not wish to understand. She lost a good mentor and friend in the bargain. She still was blind.

A lot of her well-wishers saw what she could not see and warned her again and again. But she did not believe them. She did not ‘want’ to believe them. She strongly believed that people are good souls only circumstances make them do things that are not good. Hence, she tried her best to make things work for Ms A. She tried her best to project the good qualities of Ms. A to others. Stood by Ms. A through thick and thin. But Ms. A played with her weakness – her goodness. In reality, she was not confident about herself, did not love herself enough and did not think she was worthy of the friendships, affection and love of so many good people. In an attempt to dupe others that she was ‘happy’, she was duping herself – confident and bold on the outside but scared and full of self-doubt on the inside. She always managed to  push the ‘good people’ away from her – anyone who saw ‘good’ in her, ‘potential’ in her…..

While she was blind, a couple of good friends drifted away. A few stood by her because they took upon themselves to ensure that her blindness is cured.

Finally, they were successful in curing her. Her blindness was cured she could see. She would not only see what Ms A had done, more importantly she could now see the ‘goodness’ in her, her ‘self-worth’, she started to ‘love herself’.

The cost of the blindness was losing not only her dream job but her mentor/best friend and few good friends, fights with family members,  mental and emotional turmoil….

If only she could see, she would have had her most cherished relationships with her today. She is all set write new chapters in her life with her new vision.