Tag: friendships

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Relationships

When it comes to success, people may talk about hard work, perseverance and determination but most of the time we forget that the most successful people of the world were those who had the most profound relationships. Relationships are subtle things, they don’t get noticed much but are a huge factor in success stories. We encounter all types of relationship in our lives, some carry us forward while others teach us precious lessons. Relationships make us strong. We are dependent beings, none of us work in isolation. Science proves that relationships are not only important for success but for longetivity as well. They juice up our lives and give us a reason to live. The most dry people are those who don’t value relationships. There has not been one success story where relationships were not valued.

Let me just tell you how relationships work and how they are direct staircase for success. Like it is said, that if you wish to go fast, you may walk alone and if you wish to walk far, then walk together. Relationships make us fearless. Each and every action of our lives is conducted for our loved ones. They give us reason to work. We encounter many kinds of relationships. Strong bonds with the right kind of people adds spice to our lives. Some relationships come under the umbrella term of ‘Friendship’. Such bonds are priceless, for they see in us what we cant see for ourselves. I remember watching movie “M.S Dhoni”. Today we see ‘Dhoni’ as a legendary figure but what made him reach this height was not just hard work but the right kind of people who contributed to his success story at every step. When a person wins, it is not his own victory but it is also a win for all those people who strived to make that life succeed. Some helped him find a coach, some encouraged him at every step and that too with no ulterior motive.

Life can never be led in isolation, we all need support. Suppose I am blessed with a talent but I wont be able to realize it till others see that in me. It is only appreciation which will make me strive more and more. When we form strong bonds based on love, we come closer to our humanity. We cannot do great deeds if our emotional health is weak. Relationships nurture our emotional health because when we love, we are more human and when we are more human, the things we create are coming for a higher place which is bound to make you succeed. Relationships impact every aspect of our lives. A person coming from a dysfunctional home may be a genius but not happy, in spite of having the best of qualities, he wont be able to function because our lives are a reflection of our relationships. When all is not fine at home or with friends, nothing can be fine at workplace too. The frustration produced due to want of love and affection will ruin everything eventually.

Many people would argue with me that there are those who are self motivated and just like poison changes to medicine, they transform their broken relationships to success but that is just half of the story. Broken relationships may motivate you for a short period of time, you may loose yourself for a short period of time, you may turn into a cold hearted monster but at the end of the day such people always wish to go back home because the achievement they get is purely materialistic but there is a big hollow inside them. We define success in terms of fame or monetary gains, but for me the true essence of success lies when you can be understood by at least one person on this blue planet, when you are happy from inside and when you know that your life has been a contribution to humanity. The nature of relationships we may encounter may not always be present but what to pick them from it and to never close the gates of your heart is a sure short way to success. If you encounter a good relationship, then be rest assured that you have found the right kind of people and if you encounter bad relationships, then don’t get disheartened but see it from a fresh perspective that these are the people you need to avoid and be happy that you got a lesson but never ever close your heart.
Our world is a mess and we may blame Science or Technology for it. As I said before that relationships are subtle things and we tend to ignore them. We don’t see them apparently but if they are faulty then they are capable enough of destroying every aspect of you life and we won’t even come to know! Never underestimate the impact of relationships.

I remember a story of a girl, she was a pretty capable girl, blessed with multitude of talents. I remember her getting selected for every interview she faced. We had a lot many expectations from her. In spite of being so good at work and having sound understanding, she was not able to continue with any job for more than a month. This was strange! This happened for two years at stretch and then she received a marriage proposal and we thought that her good nature and compassion will never make her fail in any relationship she might form.. It was not even a year when both husband and wife parted. This was shocking! She then went to a psychologist who analysed that all the troubles in her professional life was because she shared an uncordial relationship with her step mother and in order to lead a successful life, she will have to mend to her relationship with her. Bad relationships are like slow poisoning, they will eventually kill you!

We say that we are not happy because life has become stressful but just like an underlying symptom, it is nothing but poor relationships that is making us go nuts! Each family member being highly active on social media but has nothing to share with each other, parents not having time to talk their kids because they have work to do! No more pillow fights between siblings because Netflix is important first, not meeting our friends because we have other important things to catch up and couples living in a sort of marital contract where they have no time to share sweet glances of love All these subtle deficiencies of our lives take ugly forms which come in the form of bullying, extramarital affair, depression and crime.

I would like to end the discussion here by saying that Relationships, either bad or good are a part of healthy living because they are a proof of our humanity but silence is devastating. So never close your heart to relationships. First try to understand the importance of relationship and then I will come back to you with exciting ways to attract the right kind of people!!

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‘Mrs’, not ‘Miss’.

The clock struck 5. It was early morning, the weather was cold and misty. Shreya woke up, she was neither happy nor sad , there was no expression on her face. She was walking over the floor with soundless feet. She entered the kitchen and started preparing breakfast for kids. Two hours passed and it was only the chirping of some distant birds could be heard. Shreya‘s heart was not in sync with her mind as if some wire between the two was forcefully broken. The clock struck again , it was 7 ‘0 clock, Rahul woke up, his eyes didn’t bother to find his mistress and his hands didn’t search for Shreya but rather he searched for the cup of tea which was waiting for him.

After seeing off the kids to school, Shreya entered the room and started searching her wardrobe while Rahul was busy replying to the messages on the Whats App. It was only technology and clothes which received the maximum attention, rest everything else was silent and ignored. Both got ready and left for work. The only words exchanged between the two were when Rahul said, “Main shayad late Aaunga , mera intezaar mat krna“, (I might be late today, please dont wait for me). to which Shreya replied, “Mere pass extra keys hai, jab aana to tab aana aur bacchon ko school se lana mat bhulna“, (i have extra house keys with me, you can come when ever you want to, but don’t forget to get the kids back home from school).”

In the background there was a picture hanging down, it was the picture of Rahul and Shreya‘ s wedding . In the picture, Rahul was holding hands of Shreya and both were looking into each other’s eyes . Now both departed in different directions. Rahul had not noticed that Shreya was wearing a beautiful Saree and Shreya too had failed to notice that Rahul was looking much more handsome in his brand new shirt. They both had failed to notice that coming weekend was a long one and it was a chance for them to spend time together. The word ‘holiday’ which once used to put smile on their face has now become too heavy to bear. Rahul subconsciously started looking for weekend tasks whereas Shreya too organized an extra class on Saturday and Sunday. These appointments were not forced upon them but were self invited. Shreya was not there in Rahul‘s recent call log and Rahul wasn’t there in her’s. The same number which 5 years back used to be picked by both in such hurry was now picked up after a long pause. It was lunch time and the same food which Rahul was never tired to appreciate 5 years back had suddenly become tasteless “isme namak hi nhi hai”, (There is no salt in the food). 

Shreya was once doing some correction work in the staff room when suddenly a woman came inside and told her “Miss you will have to do this”, to which Shreya replied “Mrs, not miss, madam”.

Everyday we come across such seemingly ‘happy couple’. It appears that nothing could ever be wrong between the two. They both are so perfect for each other, both are beautiful, talented and brilliant in their jobs . But we forget that silence is a very powerful emotion. It is like winter which freezes your heart and the confusion of emotions are like the fog, We lose connection between heart and mind and like a frost bite. Silence eats up your relationship. Rahul and Shreya are existing together, but not living. The silence in their lives has destroyed the passion of heart and all what is left is a tag, ‘Mrs’.

Relationships are high maintenance things. It is always necessary to keep them in use. If we fail to do this, they might rot. So the next time your wife  or your mother shouts at you, Just be grateful that still you are away from the disease called silence. Either love too hard or hate too hard because there is no midway in relationships. It is the end of year, so it’s the perfect time to look at our relationships, as there are some which needs to be renewed and there are some which we have to let go.

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Blinded By…

She felt strange when she resigned from her dream job. She knew that something did not fit in. The stories Ms.A shared ‘seemed’ far from truth – her colleagues would not say such things about her. A few of her colleagues did tell her that her ‘fears’ were baseless. No one in their ‘right’ sense would say such horrid things. However, she chose to believe Ms. A – a ‘close friend’.

Blind are those who have eyes that cannot see. Her favorite lines from ‘Eyes Have It’ by Ruskin Bond. She never knew this one statement will sum up her life in years to come.

As years rolled by, Ms. A started taking a lot of liberty with her – mocked at her, took her for granted, kept telling her so was no good, let her down on various occasions. But she did not say anything. Ms. A had stood by her on two occasions a few years back. She also had a soft corner for Ms A. She bought the stories of Ms A –  bad childhood, harassment at home and work, emotional and physical abuse, struggles and fights to be a prove herself as a ‘woman with beauty n brains’. She understood the emotional journey of Ms. A and could empathize with her. Hence, even when she did not agree with Ms A, she did not voice her dissatisfaction.

She had shared her story with Ms A who in  turn shared it with others – of course, with a twist in the tale. She did not draw healthy boundaries in the relationship and nor did Ms A believe in having them.

One day, a  close common friend shared Ms. A’s role in her resignation. He also shared what actually happened and how it was manipulated by Ms A. She fought with  the close friend. She accused him of being envious of successful women and that he was feeling insecure of  Ms  A popularity and fast growth in the organisation. After a few tries, he stopped telling her the ‘reality’ of Ms. A. He moved on. He did not want to waste his energies on someone who did not wish to understand. She lost a good mentor and friend in the bargain. She still was blind.

A lot of her well-wishers saw what she could not see and warned her again and again. But she did not believe them. She did not ‘want’ to believe them. She strongly believed that people are good souls only circumstances make them do things that are not good. Hence, she tried her best to make things work for Ms A. She tried her best to project the good qualities of Ms. A to others. Stood by Ms. A through thick and thin. But Ms. A played with her weakness – her goodness. In reality, she was not confident about herself, did not love herself enough and did not think she was worthy of the friendships, affection and love of so many good people. In an attempt to dupe others that she was ‘happy’, she was duping herself – confident and bold on the outside but scared and full of self-doubt on the inside. She always managed to  push the ‘good people’ away from her – anyone who saw ‘good’ in her, ‘potential’ in her…..

While she was blind, a couple of good friends drifted away. A few stood by her because they took upon themselves to ensure that her blindness is cured.

Finally, they were successful in curing her. Her blindness was cured she could see. She would not only see what Ms A had done, more importantly she could now see the ‘goodness’ in her, her ‘self-worth’, she started to ‘love herself’.

The cost of the blindness was losing not only her dream job but her mentor/best friend and few good friends, fights with family members,  mental and emotional turmoil….

If only she could see, she would have had her most cherished relationships with her today. She is all set write new chapters in her life with her new vision.