Tag: trust self

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Self love- the most underrated love!

As a child, I used to think that scoring good grades will make me happy, then in my teens, I thought that board examination was a way of finding happiness, in my youth days, the definition of happiness changed to having a successful career and finding the perfect spouse. Is it not something that we all share? We keep on growing our material rewards, attaining the best job, the most handsome husband or the most beautiful wife, we do become happy for sometime but that joy never lasts long, isn’t that so? We keep on attaching our joy to the outside world and self love becomes a mere choice, if I do good in my career, I would love myself and if I fail, I would hate myself to the extent of destroying myself by engaging in drinking, smoking and now we have a better escape, the great drug therapy. After a deep introspection I have realized that the cause of our unhappiness is that we have failed to love ourselves unconditionally. Why do we have to do something or prove anything in order to love ourselves? I have realized that the most toxic feeling one can ever cater is that of guilt, because when it occupies your soul, there is definitely no space for self love.

You wont believe me, let me provide you some instances where you will see how we people are suffering each day due to lack of self love. The moment you wake up and plunge into your social media sites, you find a thousand posts of people who are seeking your approval on a picture of them. There are of course those who love to share their experiences with us and that is something appreciable but a big number of them are doing it because they want one reason to love themselves. On the other hand we have those who engage themselves in flaunting, they may seem irritable but they are actually ones who by speaking high of themselves are reminding their own selves that they are capable of love.

Lets shift our focus to movies, the character KABIR SINGH, who has been the centre of a great controversy is also one of our victims of self sabotaging .He is great doctor and has a promising future but that is not enough to make him fall in love with himself. He drinks uncontrollably, abuses unapologetically not because he wishes to be like that but because he has given up on himself and thinks that he deserves nothing but hatred. Another instance we find in Sanju, who is not able to see himself as a match to his father and drowns himself in drugs and filling the bucket of his soul with overflowing guilt.

Self love is not a desire but a need. We don’t question ourselves when we feel hungry or are thirsty, that why do we need to eat or drink? We just do it, am I right? Same goes the story of self love, we don’t need a reason to love ourselves, you don’t have to be a great student or an amazing son or daughter or an excellent businessman to love yourself. I know that we all have darkness inside of us, none of us are black or white, grey has always been the colour of life, we embrace only the light in us and what happens to the darkness, we hide it under the covers and pretension comes into play. 90% of all mental illnesses have their root cause in not embracing our dark side. Self love has nothing to do with our profession or the amount of money we have in our bank accounts, a poor farmer is sometimes capable of loving himself which even the millionaires fail to do. We must understand this that self love is not an option, whether we are doing good in life or not, self love is a must. You may say that how can we expect a villain to love himself, but let me tell you, if there is self love then there is no villainy. We cannot harm ourselves when we are in love with ourselves.

Recently I was going through a beautiful interview given by KATRINA KAIF which beautifully explains the concept of self love. When asked by a reporter, what difference she finds in her old and new self, she beautifully replied that she has started feeling comfortable in uncomfortable moments of life because she knows that not all things outside her shall go her way, she might or might not receive appreciation by her fans but what makes her feel great is her own voice which speaks of her transition as a beautiful girl to a fine actress. It is when we love ourselves, we remain untouched by outside circumstances and that kind of love is never situational and remains unchanged.

The movie KABIR SINGH is making an appeal to us that self love does’nt come from material success or having good values but it comes from embracing your light and dark side as well, of not pleasing others to receive approval, loving yourself as the way you are. When a mother or a father loves her or his child, they don’t attach ‘IF’ to their love, that is the kind of love we must nurture ourselves with. It is not selfish to love our self but this kind of love is empowering.

Self love has the potential to transform our lives, just like Sanju did after he had spent time in rehabilitation center. It makes us see the same world with different glasses, boosting our confidence and making us feeling comfortable in our own skin.

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Era of Personal Branding

I shall begin with a simple question, ”What comes in your mind when I ask you to think about a KFC burger?” Apart from that drooling, does anything else strikes your mind? I will tell you what goes inside your mind, you visualize a “crunchy” bite with minimum spice. Am I right or am I not? You know what we call it, we call it “Branding”. It is not at all uncommon, its very natural to us that we link specific features to certain objects and when their names come up before us, we are suddenly reminded of its qualities.
Branding is a usual phenomenon in business world. It is also there in our personal lives but it is that we are just not aware of it. From getting up in the morning till late at night, we surround ourselves with all sort of ‘Brands’. Let us go for another example, I usually prefer eating ‘Parle – G’ along with tea. You may find it absurd to talk about Parle – G and what connection does it have with the topic of discussion. But believe me, it does have! When I hear the word Parle – G, I associate it with some qualities like ‘light’, ‘soft’ and tastes like baby food. You may say that there are a good number of mouth melting cookies out there like ‘Bourbon’ or ‘Hide & Seek’ and who can forget everyone’s favourite ‘Oreo’. But in spite of so many mouth watering cookies available in the market, no cookie can ever match the ‘baby food’ taste of Parle – G. I am not against other cookies but every cookie has its uniqueness which can never be replaced by another.
Now the question is that if we are so willing in creating a space for the products we create, then why should we spare ourselves? Are we not important as Parle – G or Bourbon? Do we not deserve a uniqueness like that? Why should we limit ourselves as a ‘Brand’ of some company, sharing its ideals and principles and why not becoming a Brand of life? Why should we live two different lives at the same time? Why can’t we celebrate our uniqueness both at home and office? This is where the concept of ‘Personal Branding’ steps in.

Branding happens everyday!

Remember the time your maternal or paternal uncle or aunt came to see you and what they said, “You look just like your mother, or your nose is like your father, or you have such a bad handwriting, you would surely become a doctor” Does all this sounds familiar? It happens with each one of us, everyday of our lives. We are branded to that extent that somebody else tells us what we must do in life.
Just like the products around us, we too are ‘Branded’ every single day of our lives. When our name comes up, people who know us, associate us with some characteristics which may be good or not, depending upon what we project outside. People mostly brand us when we are not around. There are multitudes of brands out there, some stay for long while others fade away soon, for some their features are so attractive that their fame comes before their name while for others, we need to do a lot of research. Same goes for us, if we are unique and attractive, then our fame comes before our name.

What is Personal Branding?

Branding was initially a common trend among Celebrities, Sports people, Businessmen and Politicians. Like we all know who is ‘Ambani’ or ‘Mahatma Gandhi’ or ‘Amitabh Bachhan’. We don’t need to do a lot of research about them, though distant from us but we know much about them. Personal branding means to create an authentic true copy of our self in front of others, promote it and make our presence feel in the world. It also means to create the ‘Unique You’ which never dies and is never out of trend. In other words when we consciously brand ourselves, we call it Personal Branding. We are not products, but we are no less than products if we allow others to brand us from their perspective. What makes us human is making the process of branding a living and conscious process and living it each day of our lives.

Personal Branding comes from ‘Authenticity’

We see M.S Dhoni choosing advertisements which promote his real life tag line as ‘Captain Cool’, he does so because it matches with his real self, with who he actually is! He is not pretending in front of cameras and when we see him, we know before hand that he is a man of patience and extraordinary calm. He is not leading two lives but what we see on the screen is actually close to what we are told about him. Similarly, Akshay Kumar promotes healthy lifestyle because it is something which really matters to him in his real life.

With Authenticity comes Uniqueness

Like it is said that no two DNA’s match each other, so is true when comes to Authenticity. When we are Ourselves, then we can never be a ‘Copy’, and when we are ‘Unique’, our place can never be replaced. Can this world have another Rajnikant? Of course not, there can be no replica of him, because he is one of a kind. We see that no two brands are absolutely alike, they are all different in different ways and exist side by side in the same market of life.

To become a Brand, Reputation must precede name

For instance, I need help from ‘Sadh Guru’, then do I need to enquire about him?. ‘No’! because his reputation is widespread and comes before his name. But how was it possible? Because with one tap of phone, I can know his entire world but if I need some spiritual advice from a less known mystic, then I would have to do a thorough research and there are chances that I wont trust him in the same way as I put trust in ‘Sadh Guru’. Though he may have all abilities which ‘Sadh Guru’ is blessed with, but just because there is no information about him nor anyone has heard him, he may tend to go unnoticed.

Reputation comes with a sense of Purpose

In order to show yourself and to create an indestructible space for yourself, you need to have a strong sense of purpose behind everything you say or do. There are people who post most carelessly on social media, their posts are so haphazard that one cannot make out who actually they are. This happens when we post things without a true sense of purpose.

Digital Presence makes you visible

Many people blame Social Media and think about it as waste of time. They take excessive pride in staying away from Social Media. But we don’t realize that today it is the perfect platform where our voice could be heard by using it wisely, we surely can create space in this world. Recently I was inspired by a dance team called ‘Team Naach’, a group of girls who reached to such height not solely by their hard work but by consistently sharing their videos on YouTube. They attracted a good number of opportunities by making a strong digital presence.

Say what you want to hear back and show what you actually do!

Whatever we may post on Instagram or Facebook or LinkedIn, it must be in sync with our attitude. We are free to choose what we wish to share but there must be a ‘Why’, ‘What’ and ‘To Whom’, behind our each word. Also, what we show out there, must not be different from whom we actually are. Our relationships must be genuine and there is no room for pretension in world of Personal Branding even if you are the CEO of a great company!  You must be what you actually are!

To conclude, I would simply say that now we have entered an era where ‘Personal branding’ must not be limited to just Celebrities or Businessmen, but it must be a universal phenomenon and each one of us deserves to use it to the best of our ability, because at the end of the day, we all wish to be heard and seen. We must always remember that the only thing which differentiates us from inanimate objects is our consciousness which no product has. We can be a piece of block hit by tags from all sides or I can jump to the drivers seat of my life and redefine the tags which I want to hear for myself. That is what makes us human. The ability to change and to create is what makes us human. Branding is passive but Personal Branding is pure creativity.

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Whose driving your car?

There are two kinds of people in life, one who prefer sitting on passenger seat and then those who love sitting on the driver’s seat. Which one of them are you? Don’t you think we human beings are always conflicted when it comes to our driving force, whether we are capable of pulling ourselves or is it life which is pulling us. Too much of confusion. I have seen some people who consider themselves responsible for every single thing that happens and then there are those who hate responsibility and find it easy to put the entire blame on God or Government.

Sometimes I think about great people like Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi or Rosa Park who brought about a change in their world. It seems as if these people were different from us in some way. Why it happens that only few of us reach the height of excellence? Initially I thought that people are different but you know the reality is just the other way round, we are very much alike. Then the question is what is it that makes us appear so different?

There are a variety of people we meet everyday, some are of the view that life is what controls us, whatever happens with you is fated and will happen with you no matter how hard you try to escape it. I have seen such people behaving like victims of fate! ‘O life did this to me’ or ‘I am ill fated’. I have seen these people waiting outside the Astrologer’s home just to know what they must be doing next. Again there are those who think that they get to decide what happens with them. They love sitting on the drivers seat and they spare life for all mishaps. After thinking about it for a long period of time, I have reached the conclusion that our perspective about life makes all the difference.

Recently I was listening to a psychic who was talking about Astrology and how it impacts mankind, with so much ease he summed up the concept by saying that planets will affect you till the time you allow them to affect you. If I think that so and so planet is transitioning and such and such thing will happen, I have already decided for myself and that will surely happen. I can’t control my laughter when people say that they are aggressive because Mars is strong in their chart! I am not against the Science of Astrology and I too believe in it but the only influence planets have on us is that they either accelerate our success rate or slow it down but they are not going to work for us, efforts need to be put from our side and universe shall garnish only the result of such efforts, either speeding it up or slowing it down. We don’t listen to Astrologers to predict our future but to know that if universal situations are not suitable then what efforts should be put in to nullify the bad energy. This is the correct way of looking at Astrology. We cannot allow things to happen to us. Universe is doing its job, you need to do yours.

I remember a story of two boys who were predicted by a known psychic to top in their respective classes and as a result of the prediction, they had left putting efforts in their work and as a result of which they failed. Like many other people, they too had put all the blame on the psychic but never realised that universe only backs us when we put in the efforts and if we just let it go then nothing can make us succeed. Thoughts are so powerful that the moment we decide to think differently, our life changes. At the end of the day, our thoughts decide the course of our lives.

What Mahatma Gandhi did was next to impossible but see it happened. It happened because he thought it was possible or he was capable of bringing about a change. There is a famous story that goes around Edison, for making bulb he tried approximately 500 elements that could be used as its filament and then failed. Once he was asked by a reporter that how bad he felt that he had spent so many useful hours for nothing. Many would have agreed to what the reporter had said and think it to be absolutely true and many of us would have felt disappointed but you know what Edison said, he said that he was fortunate that he tried 500 elements, identified them and now he knows that these 500 elements cannot be used as a filament.

Just a change in perspective, and our lives shall change many folds. I have seen people crying over their fate and doing nothing about it, it is purely pathetic. Life only provides us with raw materials but what we make out of it is totally our call! Suppose some injustice happens with a stranger and you did’nt like it and it pissed you off then what would you do? Would you raise your voice or just leave the situation, most of us would choose option B. Who are we to them and what can we do? Such questions we ask ourselves almost each day of our life and how we react to it makes all the difference. If I think I can make a difference, then surely I can. People differ not because what they do or what life does with them but because what they think. If we take the drivers seat, we are not sure what kind of roads we may encounter but when we are driving, we will be able to cross them successfully. We will surely become less fearful because we are holding the steering wheel and we can turn it in any direction and we can decide the speed. But if we are on the passenger’s seat, we would be more anxious because we don’t know how to drive and the outside conditions are driving us nuts, then we shall only cry for “help, help and help”..

There are 2 kinds of people which I already mentioned , one who think that they are the drivers ,who take control of their lives and consider themselves responsible for what happens with them in life. (Internal locus of control) Such people are capable of bringing about change in life and take an active role in life. They are less affected by outside circumstances. On the other hand there are those who love passengers seat and think that external forces control them , they believe that life is driving them and they are just passengers. (External locus of Control), Such people are passive in their approach and are strong believers of fate. They think of themselves as incapable of bringing about a change.

In order to provide a clear picture of the concept, lets jump into an elaborate comparison. Lets consider 2 persons namely A and B.

A Have high external locus of control Strong believer of fate Dislike taking responsibility for their actions Lose morale easily Fear of dreaming big Fear of exploring new paths Lack confidence Never take risks and initiatives Never think out of box Go with the flow approach

B

Have high internal locus of control

Believe in themselves

Take responsibility for their actions

Are self motivated

Love dreaming big

Often walk on unexplored paths

Have high self confidence

Take risks and initiatives

Nurture new and unique ideas

Creative approach

So i would end with a question for you to decide that whether you want to drive your life or allow life to drive you?

 

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Uncolour

We all must have heard people telling their children “Don’t drink too much tea” or “Don’t go out in the sun“. Parents say this not because they are protective of their child’s skin but because they are afraid of the skin colour getting darker. Even the celebrities are openly endorsing ‘Fairness’ creams. Just imagine what will happen one day if a commercial pops up ‘Change your eyes from black to purple or black to blue’. You may call it absurdity but that is what we are doing. Its time for reality check, We don’t change our eyes because of a certain colour because they cant be changed and if one has a certain shade of eyes, do we make fun of it? Then what happens when it comes to skin colour? Absurdity is that we occupy a world where we are measured in terms of complexion! We have segregated people like genres into ‘blacks’, ‘whites’ and what not!

One day I was having a chat with my niece who enlightened me that in her school it was even better because they had 3 incredible categories, ‘Black”, ‘White’ and ‘Brown’. Such novelty is commendable! Just imagine a 8 year old life living with such core stereotypes, Being bullied at school and looked down upon because of her colour.

Something which is determined by a pigment is now deciding the course of our lives!. We live in a world where are Calibre and virtues are overshadowed by our skin colour. Psychology says that black – white stereotype is still present in our subconscious even if we do not admit it consciously. Infact, there are times when we are not even aware of the fact that we hold prejudice against black people. It is not that we are to be blamed, but it is the result of the attitudes that were transferred from generation to generation and has become something very instinctive or something which comes naturally to us. Stereotypes are hard to break but the only way to tackle with them is to become conscious of the fact that they exist. To doubt their existence is sheer ignorance.

I hope these questions will help us to accept our hidden attitudes

  • Do we feel more attracted to a white baby than a black baby?
  • Do we consider the fair coloured to be more clean in comparison to the dark complexioned?
  • If given a choice, which colour would you choose?

The purpose of these questions is not to embarss someone or make someone feel low about themselves. The logic is simple, if we wish to solve an issue, the primary step is acceptance. I know that there are millions of beautiful souls out there who love genuinely and it is not their fault. Something which has come from collective consciousness and is part of our subconscious is not defining us. We don’t like discriminating but we as individuals are helpless, because somewhere our subconscious makes us do things which we don’t wish to do. In order to cure a disease, we need to accept that we are ill, then only the medicine works lest everything goes in vain. Also the other way round, even people with darker complexion have a natural tendency to feel low about them. We must remember this that there are people who have successfully gone beyond these stigmas, but there are also many who are still under its clutches.

Let us turn our discussion to the problems we are facing due to colour discrimination. The most upsetting thing about this stereotype is that it has reached the mind of the most impressionable lives and that is our children. They face bullying and are treated badly because they have a darker shade of skin. They develop inferiority complex and become socially withdrawn which makes them more susceptible to diseases like depression and anxiety. They lose confidence and become uncomfortable in their own skin. There is nothing worst than making a person feel inferior just because god has made them in a certain way. There are extremely talented actors out there but just because of their colour and face structure, they are rejected. They are tagged with names like ‘Brownie’ or ‘Chocolate’. Till date many Indian girls are rejected for marriage and thought to be unfit for it if they are dark in colour. Even in some families , the fairer child receives more attention than a darker one. Even the endorsements projected on television make us feel that if one is dark then they are incomplete or it is something which needs to be corrected. All Bollywood songs are written in praise of fairness.

I recently heard the story of ‘ Priyanka Chopra’ who was bullied for her darker tone and as a result of it, she used to eat her tiffin alone.I am reminded of a similar incident which happened with my younger daughter. She is a passionate cricket player and cricket being a field sport, she was always in close aquaintance with the sun. As a mother I was proud of nuturing her passion every single day of her life. With course of time her complexion started suffering due to long hours spent in the territory of the sun. For me the situation was like diamond which was getting polished but society failed to notice what I had noticed as a mother. What others saw was that she was getting dark and used to ask me to make her restrict her hours on the field or make her wear ‘Ubtan’, so she could be saved from getting dark. That day I realised that colour discrimination is not functioning on the surface level of things but has reached the deepest core of our humanity where it is interfering with our genuinely borne passions. The colour of our skin is more important than our ambitions or our purpose of life. This is where we are standing today!

Till this very day, many so called ‘Whites’ consider their supremacy over Indians or Africans because of their skin colour. This is nothing to be proud of . Those who are proud of their skin colour must be proud of the amount of nonsense they are nurturing and pouring within. Will you discard an iPhone because it has a black body? Same is the story of humans, the cover may be black but what is inside is worth millions, you never know! There have been so many actresses who in spite of being dark are extremely beautiful. If we make choices by colour, we would discard IPhone to buy an ordinary Samsung phone just because we don’t like its colour. Though IPhone is black but it has a hell of features and has a height which no other phone has ever been able to reach. So, dont make such big blunders.

History is a witness that great people or leaders do not originate because of their skin colour but because of their virtues. There have been people who have not only accepted the situation but have made a conscious effort to change it. Nelson Mandela or Rosa Park were ones who refused to confirm to the conventions of the world. They were living examples of the fact that in order to gain respect in the world, self respect and self love is a must. Till the time the dark complexioned people wont accept themselves and will not love the way they have been designed, they will always  feel less of themselves and this shall make them slaves of the white.

Barack Obama, the black president who ruled the white nation! There is no powerful colour than the colour of authenticity and confidence. Body colour only distracts but if a person is authentic, even the subconscious will drop its weapon before it. The only person who can make us feel bad is, ‘I’, ‘Me’ and ‘Myself’. No one should be entitled to make you feel less except yourself. World will accept you when you accept yourself. Let world relay commercials but you don’t pay heed to it, you always have the choice.
Your skin colour must not interfere with your true passions and if it is then its time for a change in perspective.

With my experience in life, I have gathered that it is never easy to change society, people will continue putting you down on one pretext or the other. Skin colour is just an excuse. As a person if you don’t respect yourself, then don’t expect others to do it. Love yourself unconditionally . One day when you will be soaring high in the sky, then no one will bother to look at your face or try to lecture you on your complexion. There is no powerful colour than the true colour of your soul which never allow such trivialities to let them down. Your skin colour will soon fade behind the brightness of your talents and shining light of your soul. Don’t be distracted by it, those who live by it would also fade soon!

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Woman- lets create a new shade of life!!!

We live in the 21st century. We all have witnessed drastic changes in the way we live our lives.
Our society has also changed drastically and that can be seen by the change in the status of
Women. Today, women have become Unstoppable. They have Dreams, Aspirations and also possess
the Confidence to turn them into reality. They are subtle, sweet and strong headed. They know
what they want and they get it too. But, have you ever wondered what a women should have in her, so
that, when she enters a room all people swarm around her like bees? The answer to this is
‘Self Acceptance’.

Physical beauty is the first thing that attracts people but not everyone is
blessed to have Cinderella looks. But if we dwel deeper then we come across the eternal truth that
‘Physical beauty is temporary and one day it will fade away’. Most of the women nowadays are
Confident and Strong. They have immense power in them and this power comes from their inner
Self. If a woman accepts herself the way she is and does not try to hide her imperfections from an ‘Empowered Woman’. Self acceptance is the key to confidence and this confidence is what makes a woman attractive.

‘Self love’ is the highest order of love. When we accept our imperfections,
we are confident and we are unperturbed by the judgy eyes of the people, and we have no
inhibitions .We show to the society our true selves and that is what makes a woman fearless.
So its not the physical beauty which turns heads but it is the confidence that she wears that makes
her desirable. To make anyone love you, you must love yourself.

So, this women’s day,all the women out there should be the trend setter of ‘Self Love’ because, that is what makes a woman beautiful and powerful. So the key to be charismatic lies in your own hands. You just need to stop carving
yourself to conform to the standards of the society. We all fear being judged and so we try to
Change ourselves to fit in this society and make people accept us. A woman’s charm is her
Confidence, her Attitude and not in the shape or size of her body. So eat what you want,
wear what your heart says, live life on your own terms and tell the world that ‘It’s my life
and I’ve got my rules’.

Here are few habits which can transform us into a Charismatic Woman:-

  • Be comfortable in your skin. Love yourself and say no to body shaming.
  • Wear clothes which suit your physique and complexion and not what’s trending.
  • Read more because knowledge empowers us and boost our confidence.
  • Always speak less than you know.
  • Make eye contact with others and make firm handshakes.
  • Get involved in some exercise, dance or sport.
  • Nurture your feminine side by getting involved in arts.
  • Become adventurous and physically strong.
  • Listen to music, it will empower your feminine energy.
  • Avoid extreme emotions.
  • Develop the art of listening.
  • Don’t be too open or too reserved, take the middle path.
  • Be adjusting and develop sense of humour.
  • Don’t have rigid views, form flexible attitudes.
  • Make your own decisions and respect your opinions.
  • Spend time in nature and laugh more often.
  • Introspect daily, talk to yourself.
  • Accept your flaws with grace. You are not perfect.
  • Put confidence in your pocket and smile on your face.
  • Never be too conscious of your clothes, body or makeup.
  • Awaken your spiritual side.

Treat yourself as you treat your child, you are not an object which glitters with makeup, but you are the force of divine energy, God’s own creativity, you are in no way less than a man, you are life with a different shade.

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Climbing the Corporate Ladder as a woman

Most Indian women have an ‘Extremist’ approach to life. They wish to be either this way or that, but the matter of fact is that life always happens between the two extremes.The present scenario of Indian women is that, a good number of them are submissive and conditioned as per the expectations of society, They are rigidly attached to the duties which society assigns them and to step out of that conditioned life is not taken well by most of them because it has its set of consequences like the guilt which overpowers them. Psychology believes that if an action or behavior is rewarded or received as positive reinforcement, then the repetition of that particular behavior is more likely to happen and vice versa. Similarly, when women show a certain behavior which is different from the behavior expected from them, their ego produces guilt. They become victims of social criticism even if they are totally able to manage things well. Because of this negative reinforcement, they stop showing this behavior and high ambitions terrify them. On the other hand, women who are high in need of achievement are too aggressive . They are too attacked by pangs of guilt which makes them all the more aggressive and in the process they loose their originality. In both the cases, women are being affected by society, either they are working for or against society. In both ways, they are trying to prove a statement. But in order to lead a successful life, it is important that we remain unaffected by what society thinks of us but concentrate on what our inner self thinks of us. We must not allow our own intelligence to go against us. Guilt is nothing but our own faculties going against us. Instead use your intelligence to strike a balance between the two extreme approaches. Instead of searching an answer outside, its time to go inside.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/climbing-corporate-ladder-woman-tough-yes-impossible-renuka-ramnath

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Pioneers of Life

‘Get up Anjali, it’s 8 o’clock and you are still not awake, come on darling get up, oh gosh! This girl will turn me mad, get up you little ‘wretch’. Suddenly some footsteps were heard, it was Kabir who had entered the room. He was surprised to find his mother beating blankets which was void of its possessor. He said, “Mom, Anjali is not in the bed and why the hell you are beating that pillow”, to this mother replied “then where is that little wretch“. Kabir nodding his head said coolly, “She must be in the washroom and as usual she is late”. Both mother and Kabir came out of the room, the air of the room was a bit different today.

Suddenly out of no where a sound was heard of a steel hitting the marble. Kabir thinking of a thief rushed to the kitchen with a stick, mother too followed him, as he reached the kitchen, he saw something which made his stick fall to the ground.

It was a girl whom he recognized as his sister but something was different. Mother noticed she was wearing a beautiful blue top with denim, her hair was all properly tied up and her hands were holding something which produced a mixed feeling in the eyes of her mother, a sense of achievement and a feeling of loss at the same time.

She knew a phase was over and the moment she saw her grown up child, somewhere deep inside her heart, she felt as if nature had snatched something from her whom she thought was hers alone. She saw with painful eyes that Anjali was holding a Tiffin packed with lunch which her own hands had prepared. Mother passed the aluminium foil to her as if a baton was passed from a retiring leader to another and walked out of the kitchen. Seasons change, years change, day too changes to night.

If nothing ever changed in the universe, Earth wouldn’t have been created. The very existence of our lives has its root in change. Change comes naturally to us and it has direct relationship with growth. A relationship dies when there is no growth because there is no change. But the question is why do we hate change? We don’t even like the person standing in front of us to behave differently.

Don’t we change our clothes everyday? If clothes get so much privilege then why not human beings? We don’t accept ourselves when we find difference in us. We people are full of inertia, we move to the opposite direction when the car moves to new direction.

This is the level of inertia we pose towards change. When a child turns to a teenager, parents try to control their life all the more not only because they want to protect him but because they can’t adapt themselves to the change in the behavior of their child as they were used to a toy who would listen to them all the time. Let me ask you a question, does winter justifies its turning into spring? I mean why do we need to give an explanation to others when we change? What I was yesterday is not a compulsion for me that I should be the same today.

Most conflicts in relationships, marriage and corporate world is due to their inflexibility towards change. We neither accept change within ourselves and if the other person changes, we question it, “ Tum to aise nhi the“ (you were not like this). Many people fail in their lives because they hold very tight to those primitive behaviors which once brought him success.

they resist to change as per the need of the situation. Best lives are not lead by those who are powerful, but those who have the capability to change with time. Those who welcome change with ease are the winners of life because they say that ‘change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end’ and without change, nobody grows.

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Blinded By…

She felt strange when she resigned from her dream job. She knew that something did not fit in. The stories Ms.A shared ‘seemed’ far from truth – her colleagues would not say such things about her. A few of her colleagues did tell her that her ‘fears’ were baseless. No one in their ‘right’ sense would say such horrid things. However, she chose to believe Ms. A – a ‘close friend’.

Blind are those who have eyes that cannot see. Her favorite lines from ‘Eyes Have It’ by Ruskin Bond. She never knew this one statement will sum up her life in years to come.

As years rolled by, Ms. A started taking a lot of liberty with her – mocked at her, took her for granted, kept telling her so was no good, let her down on various occasions. But she did not say anything. Ms. A had stood by her on two occasions a few years back. She also had a soft corner for Ms A. She bought the stories of Ms A –  bad childhood, harassment at home and work, emotional and physical abuse, struggles and fights to be a prove herself as a ‘woman with beauty n brains’. She understood the emotional journey of Ms. A and could empathize with her. Hence, even when she did not agree with Ms A, she did not voice her dissatisfaction.

She had shared her story with Ms A who in  turn shared it with others – of course, with a twist in the tale. She did not draw healthy boundaries in the relationship and nor did Ms A believe in having them.

One day, a  close common friend shared Ms. A’s role in her resignation. He also shared what actually happened and how it was manipulated by Ms A. She fought with  the close friend. She accused him of being envious of successful women and that he was feeling insecure of  Ms  A popularity and fast growth in the organisation. After a few tries, he stopped telling her the ‘reality’ of Ms. A. He moved on. He did not want to waste his energies on someone who did not wish to understand. She lost a good mentor and friend in the bargain. She still was blind.

A lot of her well-wishers saw what she could not see and warned her again and again. But she did not believe them. She did not ‘want’ to believe them. She strongly believed that people are good souls only circumstances make them do things that are not good. Hence, she tried her best to make things work for Ms A. She tried her best to project the good qualities of Ms. A to others. Stood by Ms. A through thick and thin. But Ms. A played with her weakness – her goodness. In reality, she was not confident about herself, did not love herself enough and did not think she was worthy of the friendships, affection and love of so many good people. In an attempt to dupe others that she was ‘happy’, she was duping herself – confident and bold on the outside but scared and full of self-doubt on the inside. She always managed to  push the ‘good people’ away from her – anyone who saw ‘good’ in her, ‘potential’ in her…..

While she was blind, a couple of good friends drifted away. A few stood by her because they took upon themselves to ensure that her blindness is cured.

Finally, they were successful in curing her. Her blindness was cured she could see. She would not only see what Ms A had done, more importantly she could now see the ‘goodness’ in her, her ‘self-worth’, she started to ‘love herself’.

The cost of the blindness was losing not only her dream job but her mentor/best friend and few good friends, fights with family members,  mental and emotional turmoil….

If only she could see, she would have had her most cherished relationships with her today. She is all set write new chapters in her life with her new vision.